Well, that was fun

WHEREAS

Even I am growing tired of the random content and haphazard posting on this here blog, and want to be deliberate about something…

WHEREAS

In trying to publish more in journals, I can no longer post drafts because even though there’s no huge readership, to some publications this space still counts as publishing and many lit mags request “no previously published work”…

WHEREAS

I cannot bring myself to divulge private things on a regular basis, which seems to be the key to being a widely and oft-read personal blog, for I am barely able to divulge in real life and I tend to internally berate myself for being self-centered and overindulgent (well, I guess that’s pretty personal)...

WHEREAS

Five years is a long time, and my blog has lasted longer than some marriages…

WHEREAS

It has always bothered me, in a telltale “your fly is down” sort of way, that I misspelled my URL…

IT IS DECREED

Words, Words, Words (previously known as Rough Draft) is taking its curtain call. *It was hard for me to know when to call it quits; I don’t like the idea of leaving my web-trash all over the place. Maybe I’ll work it into the archives of my next project.

***

There will likely be another...something--a more intentional, properly planned something--in the future. 

But for the moment, I'd rather read/listen to you. 

Happy new year, and keep me posted!

Phew!!

My first semester of graduate school is behind me. I knew this day would come--I visualized it. But I didn't know how good it would feel. The other night, I just sat. That's it. I sat, slouched in a chair, with my head back and my feet up and reveling in the goodness of not owing anybody anything.

I had a few several late nights, but no all-nighters. I guess I'm just not cut out for them anymore, and that's fine by me. I also had the audacity to ask for an extension, and you know what? I got it because I had 'always attended class and been prepared with insightful contributions during discussion'. Yes, I am happy to report that it does matter--that being professional and accountable to my professor and colleagues is acknowledged and appreciated. I'm thrilled by this because one of the major reasons I wanted to physically return to school (versus the online degree option) was for the in-class magic. I love discussions that make me think on my toes; they lead me to conclusions that I might never come to just ruminating alone.

I'm already excited about the spring.
**

And I would be remiss not to shout-out HomeBoy, who supported me through my procrastination and academic insecurities and group project melodramas. He made me coffee for late nights; he let me sleep when I needed to; he was a wonderful host to the family we've had visiting, keeping them entertained and occupied when I had to sequester myself in our office and bang out page after page. He's my grad school secret weapon.

Certifiable

 

Want to watch me weave a web of domestic delusion? First, give me a long-term assignment; then, sit back and let the crazy unfold. For some reason, deadlines bring out the domestic in me. If there's an assignment looming, I'll clean the bathroom. If there's a project nearly due, I'll cook dinner. Case and point, yesterday was the eve of my poetry portfolio & lit journal submission deadline. I come from work, and what do I do? I bake a lasagna. Know when's the last time I made lasagna? Never. And the night before a major assignment is the perfect time to try a new recipe, right? I am some kind of lunatic.

To my credit, I did have the drafts. I just needed to finalize them, choose the journals I wanted to submit to and write the cover letters. I just couldn't sit myself down. I watched TV and cooked and talked on the phone and ate a late dinner and then got to work on the portfolio. *And woke up he next day with rings around my eyes that made me look part raccoon. Now I've heard that procrastination can be symptomatic of a fear of failure or a fear of success, and HomeBoy and I have talked on occasion about how waiting might be a subconscious ego thing. That way, if you don't get the stellar results desired, you can hide behind the idea that you didn't really give it your all.

But knowing all this wasn't enough to get me to shape up. The other thing is, I won't turn in poor work. It will be later than late before I turn in trash for the sake of being "on time." But the inaccurate ultimatum I just established isn't even legit; it's not a choice between quality and punctuality--I create that dichotomy when I lollygag and dillydally and avoid, avoid, avoid. Honestly, I freeze up. Before I sit down to write anything that will be judged, I think it will suck. I think that I am not the writer that I've fooled myself into believing that I am; I think, "This will be the tell, some one will read it and figure out I have no idea what I'm saying...Hey, let's rearrange the living room!" It happens almost every time, seriously. In the metaphor of writers' blocks--I'm Sisyphus out this b*tch!

I don't want to fail, and for every success the stakes get higher--each success has to be bigger and better than the last one. This sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it? But how can anyone compete with her/his own potential? It's maddening. Well, I got one of my giant projects done, and I've got one to go. So if the next time I post, I'm talking about macrame or microbrewery--you'll know why.

So help me...

Quote of the Day

"I'm still blue-collar,

it's just a nice f*cking collar."

I'm not dead...

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna burn it at both ends.

The final weeks of the semester are winding down. I still have much to do, but I believe I will do it all--and well too! I'm no better at deadlines or pacing than I was in undergrad, but dammit I'm a professional. I'll get it done because I have a responsibility (and because a bad grade means I can kiss tuition reimbursement goodbye)...

*chirp, chirp*

Well, that's all I got.

You have to bring that up, how we died in Cleveland?

Ben Stiller was destined to be funny. Have you seen his parents? I've watched all the episodes so far...

"They threw cutlery." LOL!

On A Purple Day in December...

Prince sure knows how to draw out the anticipation, doesn't he?

The line-up will include:

Janelle Monae

Esperanza Spalding

Maceo Parker

Leelah James

Cassandra Wilson

...and MORE!

Looks like we'll be taking a trip in December.

Quote of the Day

"Well you're about as helpful 

as a concrete life jacket."

We are living in a material world...

I do not have five hundred dollars to spend on an area rug...

I do not have three hundred and fifty dollars to spend on an area rug...

But, oh! Would that I did.
World Market, you are such a tease.

I'm in there!

Pretty cool.
Pretty cool, indeed.
I've got to order a copy (or dozen).



If anyone watches the trailer and recognizes the song playing, please let me know what it is. I think it's beautiful.

On Toddlers...

(via text)

SIS: They're so cute when they're jus take care of...Lil' Bit is potty traind!

ME: Well, when ur tired of sitting in shit, u move.

Get Busy Living...

This year I officially entered my late 20’s. With 3 years left in this primary-post-adolescent decade, I’m thinking about goals—goals and fun, but it didn’t start there…

I’ve been reading some of the top women bloggers (in my opinion) for a good long while. One of them created what she calls her “Mighty Life List”. It’s an amazing to-do list of things she wants to accomplish in life, and I like this idea. However, with my proclivity for procrastination, I’d probably keep putting things off until I woke up one day in my 70’s or 80’s (hardly the end, but far from my prime) with a life list completely untouched. I need deadlines—preferably something closer in than before you die.

So, on my 27th birthday, I decided to make a list of my own and “30 B4 30” was born. I took some time to chew on this list; I wanted the goals to be ambitious but not impossible—meaningful but not too serious.  For some, one entry wasn't enough, hence #6 on my list: engage in 30 acts of audacity.* I included this because I have been a very grounded and safe person pretty much all my life. I’ve been “an old soul”, a “Mother Teresa”, “the responsible one”. While I don’t have a problem with any of those endearing monikers, I do believe that discomfort is fertile ground for personal growth. So bring on the uncomfortable!

*I am not suggesting, by this list, that I have not been living to this point. Nor am I implying that you have to check things off a list to feel a sense of accomplishment. Living in the moment is a beautiful thing; my only aim by having this list is that I will be more open to those moments, so fewer of them pass me by.

Quote of the Day

on creativity:

"Love it and let it go."

Comparing NOTES: 1 undergrad, 1 postgrad-both freshmen

This series is about the first year of school for an undergraduate student and a graduate student, respectively. Each week, the students will submit journal entries relating their experiences--highs, lows, frustrations, breakthroughs, epiphanies and all-nighters (let's pray there aren't too many of those).

1.5

Undergrad  09/12/10

Okay... so today is Sunday and I'm actually preparing myself for class tomorrow. I'm making sure my calculus homework is completed CORRECTLY. I'm officially caught up in my Intro to English Composition class, and History... *smh* that class should just be canceled due to its lack of organization. I STILL don't have a book for that class because the professor doesn't want to order them. He feels his lectures are good enough. I need to know FACTS, not just his theory of what happened. I don't know about anyone else, but when it comes to learning, it's exceedingly hard for me to retain info without a primary source. My professor talks way too fast and he stutters too much for me take informative notes (I still try though).

And now that I'm trying to control my academic life, my social one is falling apart. On Friday night my roommate, a couple of friends, and I attended 'Fashion Night Out' in NYC. I thought we all had a really good time. However, the next day my room mate text one of the girls that went with us to see what they had planned for the day, and she said nothing. But the other friend told me they were going to the beach. My roommate and I were a little offended because we DID invite them when we didn't have to. So now I've made a vow to myself, if I do all my work during the week, I will NEVER spend another weekend bored out of my brains EVER AGAIN. 

My 'campus boo' did make our relationship official on Sept. 1st, but I think it was a mistake. I didn't know you weren't suppose to hook up with the 1st cute guy that was your type on campus. Alegedly it's some kind of rule. Everyone keeps asking me why we date and we've only been living here for about a month. I mean, from what I can tell he doesn't have a problem with being in a relationship, but supposedly it's an unspoken rule that you don't seriously date anyone at least until the second semester. Well, who knew?! You learn something new in college everyday -___-

Comparing NOTES: 1 undergrad, 1 postgrad-both freshmen

This series is about the first year of school for an undergraduate student and a graduate student, respectively. Each week, the students will submit journal entries relating their experiences--highs, lows, frustrations, breakthroughs, epiphanies and all-nighters (let's pray there aren't too many of those).

**
1.4

Undergrad 09/05/10

Okay, so I haven't submitted my blog in about two weeks because every time I started my segment, I had to stop and do something else. Right about now I'd have to say that time management is my biggest hardship to overcome. I'm catching up on work from a week ago; I have to complete a student loan form that I honestly THOUGHT i finished prior to moving in; and every time I think I'm done, there's another task awaiting me. I guess this is the hard part of college. Although I thought I'd like the independence, I'm starting to wish it didn't all fall on me like a ton of bricks.

If I could grade myself on things other than school, my grades would go as follows:

A--Cleanliness

B--Socializing

D--Roommate (a different story for a different blog, smh)

A--Relationship

However, these ARE NOT important in college. The actual academic work is what we pay for, but young adults (like myself) get easily distracted by the social side of this experience. My goal in freshman orientation was that by the time I graduate from College socializing wouldn't be so hard for me.After these two weeks I've realized that socializing isn't THAT hard when you have total control of yourself. For example, I can talk on the phone all night if I want, without someone yelling at me, "IT'S THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! GET OFF THE PHONE!", or I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want, to attract a certain type of person without a second thought. When you have the freedom to do whatever and be whoever you want, your self-esteem skyrockets and socializing just becomes easier by default...I just wish being responsible came as easily.

Now that I know my weaknesses, I can strengthen them. Hopefully by next week I'll have some good news to share. '_'

**

Grad 09/07/10

I have been robbing Peter to pay Paul where time is concerned, and it's really a shame. It's not even that there isn't enough time--I'm just procrastinating. UGH! It's embarrassing to even admit that, but it's the truth. One of the things I hoped to do by taking time off between undergrad and graduate school was to vanquish this demon habit. Apparently, old habits don't die hard--they don't die at all. They are undead, zombie habits. But I'm not going to let this screw me up; I'm determined to grab procrastination by its bloodless throat and throw it in a back vault. Then i will fill said bank vault with cement...all that to say, enough is enough already with the procrastination.

In my personal statement for the grad school app, I said that I would bring collaboration and professionalism to my classes and colleagues--skills that I have honed for that last 5 years in the workforce. Well, professionalism certainly has no room for the other "p" word. I'm not going to let myself or my classmates down. There. It is written, so it shall be done. It may be done with a self-imposed facebook block and a 2-hour per week TV time limit and my cell phone on silent until 10 pm every night, but it will be done.

Dang. Whip it.

 I tell ya, boy, Big and Little are building an empire.

A colleague and friend of mine shared this song with me yesterday.  Upon first listen I thought the repetition would give me a headache, but I listened a second time. The production is crisp, the vocals are promising and the content is age appropriate (even if the delivery of a few lines is SUS). Then, the pop kiss-of-death: a few hours later the song was in my head. And the longer it stayed in my head, the more I wanted to dance to it.

Quote of the Day...

"I've never had anything so good

that I wanted to slap my mother,

I have had some things 

that were good enough 
to slap yours, though."

Comparing NOTES: 1 undergrad, 1 postgrad-both freshmen

This series is about the first year of school for an undergraduate student and a graduate student, respectively. Each week, the students will submit journal entries relating their experiences--highs, lows, frustrations, breakthroughs, epiphanies and all-nighters (let's pray there aren't too many of those).

**

1.3

Grad (08/29/10)

Hypothesis: I cannot do my homework at home--least of all on my couch.

Trial 1:

Read...nod...zzz...hours pass...wake with a start...oh hell!

Trial 2:

Begin reading again...reread last passage...nod...zzz...an hour passes...wake in a huff...FTW!!

Trial 3:

READ...nod...zzz...wake with a familiar foreboding...not AGAIN!!!

Conclusion: No, I cannot do my homework on my couch, but that does not mean I will be unsuccessful in every place in my house.

Further Study:

--Try using the office (duh!)

--Do my reading standing up

Comparing NOTES: 1 undergrad, 1 postgrad-both freshmen

This series is about the first year of school for an undergraduate student and a graduate student, respectively. Each week, the students will submit journal entries relating their experiences--highs, lows, frustrations, breakthroughs, epiphanies and all-nighters (let's pray there aren't too many of those).

**

1.2

Undergrad (08/22/10)

I just moved in a few days ago. The 1st few days were hell, I mean I couldn't stand the people, the atmosphere, or ANYthing. I couldn't seem to get into the swing of things. I hated everyone because it felt like everyone was clique-ing up with each other. I was a little scared that college was going to be just like high school...

But after the orientation was over, I began to fall in love. It's the little things like waking up in your OWN area. Taking as many showers as u want, whenever you want. Washing your OWN clothes with your choice of detergent. The little things have made me grateful to be here. The utter freedom of having company, leaving, and coming home when I want?! It's just beautiful! Lol, coming from a household with barely nothing to a dorm room with a free laundry room means a lot to a girl like.

Not to mention I've made some "friends". At 1st it felt like every1 was avoiding me, but now I'm fine. I had a Snookie moment. (I'm the prettier version of Snookie in the dorm because my 1st impression was pretty bad. But now every1s cool wit me.) I love it. I mean, I thank God for allowing me to be here. Hopefully being here will lead to me establishing great friendships.

I officially start classes on Wednesday, and I'm slightly excited. I can't lie, I like being here without going to class... But u HAVE to go, lol, class is the main objective of college. I like the studying part; I just don't like the seeing new people part. I get all types of nervous, my stomach starts to turn and I can't concentrate. I don't want to give off a bad 1st impression to my professor, but I have no choice but to sit ALLLL the way in the back. Just in case I freak out, at least I'll be in the back. But I'll be okay. I've learned that everything seems hard at 1st, but after you're over the newness of it all you'll be ok. I know I'll be ok. Thank God.

**

Grad (08/22/10)

It's 12:10am. I have class in 15 hours and 20 minutes. I have just--JUST printing the reading material. Oh yes, class is in session.

Blip

"Communication"

facebook just told me

to reconnect with you.

but what do they know?

This is a nice supplement: