i'm late! for a very important date!...& trouble in paradise...& it's about damn time, that's all i got to say...

and then there were 4. through extreme dental cosmetic surgery, debilitating sickness, sicking arrogence and embarassing awkwardness, jade, joanie, danielle and sarah have come this far - still trying to claim their fame. time to pull out all the stops, right? we'll see, or rather, go see...

after being instructed on thai courtesies (buying gifts for your host, taking shoes off at the door, and the like), the girls went on go-sees this week. but of course it couldn't be that simple. they had to buy gifts for the designers they were going to see, ride in mini, open-air (meaning no sides or doors) taxis and see as many designers as they could before returning to the hotel at a specific time. this part of the episode looked like a rat race with some beautiful and interesting clothes interspersed for good measure. i did learn the aesthetically polographic capabilities of a polaroid, though - so the time wasn't wasted. when NONE of the girls made it back to the hotel on time, danielle, the woulda-been winner, got to watch her woulda-been prize, racks of clothes (one from each designer), be wheeled away before her very eyes. "because no one returned on time," said the proctor of the mission, "no one is the winner." damn, that's cold! let's just take a minute and meditate on that monumental loss. but all was not lost because the girls returned to their apartment to find that they were going to an island paradise to do a swimsuit photo shoot (to be produced by "the noted fashion photographer, nigel barker")...

there was trouble in paradise. joanie's been stepping her game up and jade's feeling the heat. jade kept insisting, "she ain't on my level," but is it just me or was jade trying to convice herself? hmm... joanie's got a tall-ass chip on her shoulder named sarah, and has been articulating her disdain for the lady. can't be mad though, sarah went through the least to get on the show and has done the least to stay in the running; i'd be pissed too! cause if you gotta lose, let it at least be to a passionate and worthy adversary. but when tyra visited the house in phuket, all the pettiness got put aside. the girls learned that the very island they inhabited was completely destroyed by the tsunami disaster only a couple of years before. how's that for perspective? the moment of silence lingered long after tyra left; the girls seemed to take into account that as much as the competition means to them, there are bigger issues in life - much bigger. no sooner then tyra layed that heaviness on them did the girls have to shake it off because it was time for a shoot with (judge+photographer=) judographer, nigel...

i think the rough waves were a manifestation of nigel's mind, they molested the girls (that flithy-mc-nasty!). it's pretty hard to be soft and supple when you're being pummeled by rip tides, but lo and behold! they pulled it off -even danielle, whose interaction with the water was nothing short of comical. sort of ironic considering danielle's mind lingered on the victims of the tsunami and the violent qualities of her liquid co-star. sarah had such a time getting her act together that they just had to take her out of the water altogether. jade was able to do something that comes naturally to her in this shoot - she got to rock the boat. but the boat rocked back; she wasn't ready for that part. joanie's confidence stayed high and she handled the shoot like a pro, rough water and all. all four pulled off some really good photos, but the client, i must say, was a bit on the wack side. pictures of models as a screen saver for a cell phone? i'm not feelin' it. i don't care what adolescent boy will pay, let him buy magazines like the perves of yore. but it was for ellegirl, and at the end of the day - a job is a job. (but couldn't you just hear that story at a go-see interview? interviewer: "i know i've seen you before...wait! i saw you on a phone once!" weird.)...

as is the obvious, panel is going a lot quicker these days. jade and joanie were quickly put at ease when their names were called. then sarah and danielle were asked to step forward. they didn't size each other up like furonda and jade did last week (i know you caught it! that was hysterical!). tyra commenced her customary tearing-down, telling each of the girls what she is and what she ain't. someone observed once that whoever she rips on the hardest tends to stay, so when tyra started in on sarah i got a little nervous. then she started saying that a top model need to be able to talk - got a little more nervous. my soliloquy with the television went a little something like this:
"what?...she be'd not...stop playing tyra...true, true,...oh i will be too through if...(holds breath)...yes! that's what i'm talking about! tyra ain't stupid! that's whassup!...it's about damn time!"
i do feel for sarah a bit because her fervor really came through this episode, umpteen weeks into the competition. maybe if she had that from the beginning, she wouldn't have gone home. but like danielle said, she's there for a reason. i hope i know what that reason is, but i'll keep my mouth shut till next week.

and then there were three...

walk like a ...thai dancer?...& welcome to the jungle

this week, the girls learned to express themselves through traditional thai dance (don't ask me what they expressed exactly). while joanie may have found her second calling, daniel had to call a doctor...

i said it before, and i'll say it again - daniel is a G. i'll discuss why later, but i had to get that out right now... so the girls go to a thai theater to learn traditional dance. was it just me, or did anyone else get nostalgic for the "the king and I"? (et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!) they were instructed in the ways of expressing themselves with their bodies, learning what was feminine, masculine and arrogant. "thank you...cause i don't want to do that!" jade says; there's no t a shred of arrogance in her, jade says. what?! is that suppose to be funny? you read it here first - jade is a poor comedian and a bad liar. when the girls were tested with a public demonstration, sarah was still pitifully awkward (but i think she tried harder than she has been), jade was trying so hard that she appeared stoic (or wait, is that just her face?), furonda was a comedy of errors (chris rock would say she cost us a few steps, but maybe she can get put on wilin' out) and sweet joanie had the total package (she was pleasant and pretty, humble and capable). in the end, joanie won the challenge; she and sarah had dinner with the editor of Elle Thailand (a potentially important contact). and where was daniel?...

after the lesson and before the demonstration, daniel experienced the less glamorous side of international travel: exhaustion, dehydration and food poisoning - to name a few. "i had never been in a hospital," she says, "so i didn't understand what they were saying." poor baby! i think that had less to do with medical jargon and more to do with the whole not-speaking-English thing, but i could be wrong. after diagnosis, daniel showed that she was a G once more, having missed the challenge she left the hospital (against doc's orders) to participate in the photo shoot...

the ladies had the privilege of working closely with the gentle giants of the jungle, elephants. daniel came off her sick bed to lay down the law! she moaned and groaned on the ride to the set, she nearly hurled on the animal trainer, but when she saw that flash and heard that click TA-DA! she turned into "supermodel!" her photos were so sick (the good kind, of course). next came jade, and maybe she would have been better of following the animal's lead because she sure as hell didn't follow jay's. man was he fed up with her! he put her down so bad she apologized (yeah, i caught it too)! the shoot was for a new razor. furonda is all leg. it should have been a cakewalk, right? but she just couldn't get right! the last frame was absolutely beautiful; i can't speak for the rest of them. then came joanie, who's just got "the glow" right now. she was original with her poses, she was vibing with the elephant, jay was oozing compliments all over her. sarah, being the smart girl that she is watched joanie and listen to jay and put 2 and 2 together. unfortunately, this basic arithmetic turned to algebra because for sarah 2+2=y. as in "why did you copy joanie? why couldn't you be original? why, if you were going to copy, didn't you do it better?" thankfully, the camera loves her. but the camera loved everyone this episode...

at panel, the girls had the challenge to translate emotions with their bodies. to ensure that they didn't depend on their facial expressions, they had to were masks. sarah was too cerebral with it. joanie and jade - a little less thai, a little more model, huh? daniel confused aggression for expression, but in the end furonda couldn't save face and was sent home. she walked her final walk back to the apartment to pick up her things. kept her head up and never missed a step. got to love that girl.

america's next top... playwright?

yeah, i missed last week's episode. by the time the credits were rolling, i was viewing a play called "touched" as part of the opening activities for an awesome theater festival in independence, kansas. this festival honors the dramatic arts and is named for the independence native, William Inge. it is held at a community college and the entire town gets involved. i was blessed with the opportunity to attend - for free - as they celebrated their 25th year (the company's a co-sponsor). from wednesday evening to saturday evening, my days were filled with worshops and my nights with parties. i was pleasantly fatigued. i learned about writing screenplays and monologues and political theater. i met actors and directors and television writers. i inhaled and exhaled creativity, surrounded by art - uncompromised. so, of course i am rejuvinated. of course i am refreshed. of course i am ready to complete the play i began birthing years ago, and give her a few siblings. it is the only festival that celebrates theater and honors a playwright outside of Shakespeare at Stratford-Upon-Avon. who knew? so what if i have write around work? in the morning before i leave or in the evening when i return? that's fine by me. i think one of the most impactful things i heard there was this, "A play [or its characters] calls to you, and if you don't answer it, it will find someone else."

**** i did watch the encore presentation last night though. in short - the girls left the country, and nnenna looked like a fish out of water...and then there were five ****