because i should have something to say by now

this is an interesting hodge podge of realms.... i'm blogging on the computer at my father's house in a jersey suburb. more affectionately referred to by yours truly as "the highest room in the tallest tower." supposed to have the jersey version of my send off tomorrow out here, but it's too far for some people to get to, and i didn't do my best at pre planning, so many have not been able to make the preparations necessary to travel. it will be fine; i will see those i am meant to see when i am meant to see them. it will be fine. still haven't done any creative writing really, just journaling (which counts on some days but not others). have to work out my computer situation because i realize that my having one is not merely a luxury. i will not use my work place pc for personal use (at least not so early in the game, are you kidding me?), so i need my own not only to maintain communication with all you beautiful people but to find the directions to my nearest grocery, library, museum, etc. i don't mind getting lost, but my tolerance may shrink when i only have my weekends free to go there and back again. i will be in kansas city alone, and for how long i cannot yet say. it sucks, but (and this might not sound the way i mean it) it is a little easier to bare when i know that it's tough on the other end too. not just some "see you when i see you" type stuff. i considered deployment necessary. schooling - necessary. i guess i should try to see this in the same light because relocation isn't simple. in fact, it may only be simple for a recent college graduate (are you going to scraborough fare?) who has only the shit she can fit in her dorm room and a bed (thanks byrd).... i'm leaving my baby brother and sister, who aren't babies at all but still very impressionable. in stages in their lives where molding is crucial. i feel in a way that i am abandoning them. one going into high school in the fall and the other next fall. i need to be here to put a tough-loving foot in their asses so that they get and keep their games up. say it with me, "college scholarship!" but my leo half is back from spain, so i feel a little better about leaving. she don't play.... accepting privilege is hard, man. looking at the two youngest ones i realize that tasha and i got a leg up (4 real) spending the time that we did with my dad. it wasn't perfectly peachy, but we saw people in a different environment. we saw people who had things and had been places and saw that shit as completely normal. we saw something besides jersey city, and i love jersey city but you know what? it will be there. probably no different than it was when i left it. i want them to go places and see things and dream big and have limitless perceptions and realize that perception is reality. i want all of this for them. i want this for all of my family, but it would probably be easiest for the youngest ones....transformation in the very space that helped to mold you is some tricky shit. i hope we can do it. i hope we can pull it off....in other news: love is wonderful, friends are stellar, life is adventure, and we are/not ordinary people. let's close this out livejournal style
mood: anxious
music: the tv advertising some new drug, another one not approved by the fda