for a visit... (or) through the looking glass...

i am excited - maybe anxious is a better word. tomorrow morning i'll be on my way to jersey to see fam and friends. i don't know what i expect to be different. i don't know what i suspect has changed, but i get the feeling it's something...something. well, jersey city is always different and changing. new restaurants and bars and hotels and condo communities and yuppies as far as the eye can see. downtown anyway, i don't think they have the gall to invade on the hill yet. but it's not just that; i am returning as a self-sufficent, adult woman visiting the homes of her parents and other loved ones (woah. that's heavy). how has so much changed so quickly? so many things have occured that i could not have predicted and would not have believed, had i been informed of them this time one year ago. i'm thinking about my future now (beyond what i'll have for dinner) and career plans (what the hell?) and owning property (huh?) and retirment plans out of the country (oh, boy!). i'm still dreaming; i'm just adjusting the dials so the picture comes in clearer. i wonder if anyone's expecting anything of me?...damn girl, chill out - it's only been, what 4 or 5 months? silly me.

in other news
though this is only the first project, i am working as a (ready for this?) freelance writer... i mean, i think? i've been approached to work on an animated series project. i'm so psyched! the animator is so cool and she found out about me through a co-worker. she explained what she wanted, and then she told me to give her a price! so of course i have no idea and told her we could discuss that after she saw the product. but if it gets picked up and she keeps me on as a writer, how fresh would that be? and she's like, "even if we don't use it, you can keep it for your portfolio." oh! a portfolio! guess i should really get my act together and create one of those?! way to be prepared and professional teresa - DOH! (in my best homer simpson impression, which i must admit isn't that good).
I'm going in the studio while i'm home too. some of my homies want to record a demo/mixtape-type-joint. it will be an experience; i've never recorded before (not in a studio anyway). plus, i'm type rusty. i'll get the tracks and less than two days later we're recording. now they've had the music for a minute, so that's an advantage. i just hope i churn out something i approve of - i have high expectations for myself, regardless of the fact that emceeing is not my occupation. can't be wack. just can't be wack. i'd be doing lyte, la, s-n-p, grae, et. al. a grave injustice if i come wack. not to mention, i refuse to accept accolades for a sub par performance because i'm a 'girl'. so i have things to do, but i'm definitely going to rest while i'm home too...

man, so this is life, huh? or something like it? it's a strange sensation when we both live life and are aware of the living we are doing. a simultaneous plot sequence and commentary. add to that a multiple time perspectives (ie would i have done this so long ago? how will i handle it now? what will i think of my decision looking back?). no wonder it takes me upwards of five minutes just to stop thinking. mental momentum is quite a force. it's knocked me off a few curbs in my time, and it will probably only get stronger.