working-grown-woman-ness... (or) i gotta testify...

so i usually don't mention work very much at all, but here i am at a friday and a payday - very happy to see them both. i'm settling into this, this on-my-own-career-starting-grown-woman-ness. it's okay by me. all the answers? nope. 20 year plan? nope. childrens' names? nope. wedding arrangements? (snicker)nope. am i okay with that? sure! because for all the no's there are about a dozen yes's (if you're reading this, 9 times out of 10 you are one of my yes's ;+). i'm cool with this make-some-mistakes-figure-it-out-as-you-go thing (pretty hyphen-happy too, today...damn! did it again). some days i really like my work, and other days - i love it. i see room for growth and elevation, and even if i make a move - it's one hell of a spring board. i am so blessed (thank you, God, for letting me be aware of that)...good thing about blogs, when you're ready to testify (so to speak)the cogregation is much bigger.

and i'm out...

fruitfly

won't you join me in the foxx hole?...(in two parts)

i don't tend to be one for propagation of media hype, and i am on a no-tv diet this week. but i received an email about the jamie foxx special on nbc tonight that got my attention. so, i share it. it is rumored (or believed, which ever makes one feel better about disseminating this information) that foxx and the station had some creative differences about the line up for his show. they wanted white special guests; he wouldn't have it. as a result, there has been minimal press about foxx's musical special tonight and more hype than usual about american idol (same time slot, i'm assuming). the station anticipates that jamie's program will not rate well, thus (to paraphrase this aforementioned email) giving them the supposed right to never do another network television special with all black talent. jamie foxx has chosen his own special guests - don't know who they will be; have to watch for that. so, of course this email was 'rallying the troops' on some ol' 'support our people' type stuff, which is fine (although i don't think the revolution will be one of jamie's special guests). i'm going to watch tonight. yes, breaking my diet (like it would be the first time ;+), because i think jamie foxx is a talented cat, he'll probably have good special guests and (to be honest) american idol never did it for me anyway. i don't have this tivo contraption that would allow me to view them both at one time or another, so i choose jamie. it seems obvious to me. at least on nbc tonight (9pm est/ 8pm ct) i'm guaranteed to hear at least one person who CAN SING. american idol is too much of a gamble.

distractedly yours,
fruitfly

not everyday...

cold. wet. icy. rainy. gray. so everyday can't feel like 100%, and i ought to be fine with that. not especially off program; just not particularly on point. i wonder if this is what ordinary feels like? i'm much more an extremity girl myself. call it a gemini thing... sadness needs company too. from time to time, she needs attention, so now she has come to me. and i will appease her for a time - only for a time - because i know what it's like to want company.

St. Lou-nacy!...

so this weekend my sister came to visit. we rented a car and went to st. louis for the weekend. i admit, i had just returned from jersey on wednesday of the same week, went to work on thursday and friday, and we were leaving saturday morning at 6:30am. i wasn't the most enthused i could've been about the adventure. but i did some deep breathing from the apartment door to the car and said, "self, the money's already spent. the ball is rolling. smile and make the best of it, this maybe something you need." well, my sister and i are the best of friends, and there is nothing more taxing than fighting with your best friend. the energy was frantic and volatile. one minute we'd be fine and the next we'd be at odds. that freaked out energy permeated the entire journey - i've never rolled with so many punches. and i, knowing all that i [think i] know about the ability of one's energy to manipulate a situation, still let my piss-tivity get the better of me. the weekend was a comedy of errors; damn near 72 hours of blooper b-roll.

the goods: the weather was beautiful, when we weren't fighting we were laughing our asses off, the gateway arch is magnificent in person, road trips in the midwest have beautiful sunrises, enterprise weekend rental specials, the st. louis science center is huge, crunk music is ideal for driving. the bads: we were swearing at each other when we did fight - it hurt so much, i got behind the wheel angry and damaged the rental, we drove around for over an hour looking for this club that the radio mentioned and never found it, lost the car keys, locked the keys in the car - in the ignition no less! the miracles: i got full coverage on the rental car so the bumper damage was a non-issue (plus i only messed up the paint), the lost keys were 'found' between the windshield wipers of the car, i saw said keys from the driver's seat because we had left the doors unlocked!, we found a wal-mart on the drive home to buy groceries (because there was no food in my house), when i locked the keys in the car it happened in the enterprise lot (a miracle more for me than them). the revelations: i embarass pretty easily, perhaps [sometimes] i am wound too tightly, my propensity for cleanliness borders on obsessive-compulsion, i am leaning myself more thoroghly all the time. so maybe this trip did give me something i needed, but not what i thought and not with a delivery i could have ever imagined!

happy [re]new year...no, really happy...

let me begin this post, and this year in genuine thanks for love and life and friends and family and all components of this here existence. "funny thing about life. it means forever and that's a mighty long time" - but enough of my prince tanget. (deep breath). my time in jersey was well spent, and i needed it more than i knew. the more i reflect, i'll probably find new things i learned; even my frustrations were appropriately placed. my first night was spent having the ill catch-up dinner with high school homies. man i love those sisters. truth be told, i couldn't help but think of L when i'm sending emails and making plans before i hit the ground, and the fact that they were able to come together on such short notice made me feel really good. man! we were loud and funny and happy and so drunk off of the presence of one another - a terrific time!... my family is doing well and they seem to grow (all of them, in one way or another) every time i see them. the regular spats still occur, but there seems to be a level of cooperation and consideration that i didn't see before. my mom was telling me how M&M just sit up late nights talking to each now, finishing each other's sentences. she beams to tell me this, and we both smile because they used to fight so much. we knew the day would come when that would be over, but we didn't know when it would come - thank God it has arrived!... recorded in a studio for the first time, and except for the poor time managemnt and varying degrees of unprofessionalism, it was real cool. the producer has talent (shout out Flan!) and my homeboy, impetus behind the project, has quite a breadth of knowledge when it comes to music (shout out DS!). the result is better tracks... new year's was so low key and yet so over the top. catharsis, raw emotion, frustration, tears, intentions, "look at me"; ye, though we walked through the valley ---- honesty, compromise, resolution, embrace, tears, love; truly we were made as garments for one another. if it were only up to us and our pitiful selfishness and foolish pride, there's no telling of the outcome, but praise to the Best of All Planners. i didn't declare any official resolutions, but i guess that counts as a pretty big one... i almost felt as if my new year began again when i returned to kansas city last night. i was greeted by a cold apartment and an unexpected bill, but before i concocted all kinds of clever curses it occurred to me - there are people outside in this cold and i have the means to pay this bill. perspective, teresa. perspective...