kick... push... coast.

yeah, it's been a minute. so don't think, "i know this heifer hasn't been away all this time and the best she can come back with is lupe fiasco's ode to skaters? she better had been on a mountain meditating - at least a grassy knoll or something!" well, the truth is i have been busy, but i definitely can't say exactly what's been occuring. it's been a blend of negotiating co-habitation; increased responsibility in the workplace; seizing opportunities for creative freelance work; reentering (slowly, softly) the spokenword arena; enjoying the heat i waited all winter for; planning trips i can't wait to take; improving myself. honestly, i include that last one in haste as it has only been a late addition to the list. not because there aren't enough things to improve, but because i still put myself last in many cases. the good thing about that? you know the adage, "i shall be first" and all. the bad thing? i'm usually too damn tired by the time i get around to me to do what i need/want to do. i must make a conscious effort to change this. now granted, fiasco's song ( i refuse to call him lupe) has nothing to do with my life on the personal tip aside from the fact that i too can recall 'looking for a place to be', but his hook - this refrain - these 3 words have such mantra potential. allow me to ghetto philisophize for a minute...

KICK: we all know that 'even the longest journey begins with a single step' (or something like that). well, if one had to take that step - say - in the mud, going uphill, in church shoes, while it's raining... well, that's more than a simple step. and that's the way the beginning of any worthwhile endeavor is - you have to fight for it. you have to fight hard. you have to give it everything. you have to kick...

PUSH: if you persevere - just a little bit, after a while it gets easier. there's still effort involved, but you're familiar with the process at least- whatever it may be - and familiarity takes the edge off most things. sure, you haven't reached your goal yet, but maybe you can see it. or maybe you can't see it, but you know it's there and you feel so good about the work you're putting in that the means justify themselves (that is essential for me). you really appreciate the journey - struggle and progress at the same time. just push...

COAST: this is the space i yearn for. not laziness, but when i have made good practices in my life such persistent habits that they are second nature - even easy, and a pleasure. and so i repeat them, as that which we enjoy we tend to do often. it's a win-win because we do what is pleasurable, and that which is pleasurable is good for us - a life of fun because when you enjoy the things you do it isn't work, right? inherent in this aspect is awareness and gratitude too. how can everything be a pleasure? even the seemingly menial, everyday tasks? perspective is key. consider those who cannot even do what you do (this is not at all supporting a competitive culture that says the only way to feel good about yourself is to find someone who's worse off). also consider how far you have come, and try to always (as a wise friend told me) be present. when we give our full attention to something, we are more fully stimulated by it, and thereby more thoroughly satisfied. living this existance is a joy. so, coast...

so this mantra is pretty premature still. maybe i'll test it out - see how/ if it works. i'm sure there are more profound and founded logic. i know "kick, push, coast" might not sound so good as a chant. but if i can conceptualize and realize the struggle, the thriving and the arrival all in one breath, well then this woman's got her best years ahead of her.

kicking,

teresa