We are not aMUSED… Let it burn… [mis]fortune cookie…(ANTM)

Is it possible? Am I really going to do it? Can I really review last week’s episode before tonight and stop cheating you guys with two-fer entries? Try like hell, I will. Now, what happened last week…

This week (well, last week…you know what I mean) the girls were paired with fashion design students. Each model had to dialogue with her designer so that the designer could create a garment that reflected the model’s personality and style. The catch? The garment had to be repurposed from a light blue, church-lady-looking, polyester-rayon blended, two-piece dress suit. (I’d swear it had shoulder pads and everything!) Then, the models were put on the runway to show off the designs. The catch? The girls had to create a 2 or 3 line statement about their garment and how they inspired it. (And the walls come a-tumbling down…)

Everyone did a good job of modeling their garments; the speaking part is another monster entirely. Saleisha, Bianca, Jenah – all sold it. (Except, Bianca who said something about, “Cleopatra Jones with an attitude.” Excuse me boo-boo, but Cleopatra Jones had attitude to spare. What I think you meant, especially considering your dramatic eye make-up, was the actual Cleopatra. Moving on…) Saleisha – flirty and girly – check. Jenah – ballerina rock star – check. I don’t remember Chantal’s get-up, but I do remember Ambreal played up the “fun” in her style a little too much. Giant lollipop accessory? The tops. Skipping down the runway? Over the top. Lisa blundered the speaking portion, and I so don’t know why. I hate to think she didn’t take that part as seriously as the walking, but what other excuse is there? And Heather – poor Heather. Until now her slight awkwardness has been a bonus, but she completely blanked and bombed the speaking portion of this challenge. The words! They wouldn’t come! And she stood at the end of the runway with her mouth slightly agape – like she was waiting for them to fly in.

And speaking of bomb…

The photo shoot for this week was with a smoking hot accessory – no seriously, there was a car and it was set on fire. The ladies had to pose on/near/around/ (insert preposition of your choice here) said car, and they were in the middle of the desert no less! Bianca, Saleisha and Jenah (again) really impressed with their photos. Saleisha didn’t look sweet; Jenah looked distraught but still beautiful; and Bianca’s attitude worked for her (but it still doesn’t work for me). Miss Jay said she looked like she’d set the car on fire! (I think – maybe she did?) Lisa’s shot was too much about being in distress and not enough about being in THIS DRESS. Her best shot was sitting in a heap on the ground. Where are the lines, the silhouette in that pose? Exactly. Nowhere. Heather was still so defeated by the muse challenge that she couldn’t perform her best on set. Did she look good in her picture? Yes. Was it the worst one she’s taken so far? Yes. Unfortunately, I do not remember Ambreal’s picture, but I do remember the panel was not impressed. It came down to Lisa and Ambreal, and I bet I don’t need to tell you who went home.

The saddest part is that during panel, while Tyra talked about the “fabulous prizes”, we could see these traditional Chinese dragons popping up behind the judges. (You know, like the big costumes used during the Chinese New Year?) Well, Tyra announces to the girls that, “Seven girls stand before me, but only six will continue on to China and in hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.” So not only is Ambreal eliminated; she has to see what she’s about to miss! That sucks.

*I’m no cultural anthropologist or anything, but… um… I’m pretty sure those were dragons and not lions, Tyra. I’m just saying…

party like a rockstar…vampire…rockstar…whatever (ANTM)

I’m not going to pretend to remember much details from the other week, but here’s what I do recall:

Lisa – stepped it up
Heather – rocked it out
Saleisha – turned it on
Bianca – puckered it up
Ambreal – had a twitch
Chantal – had a ‘tude
Sarah – wasn’t comfortable

If you saw the episode, this summation makes sense to you (perhaps), but if you did not (which would be the reason for reading this) the above makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. So let me ‘splain…

The lesson of the week was in sexiness, taught by Tyra herself. The girls practiced 3 “distinct” techniques: the sexy runway walk, the seductive crawl and the wall slide (really, they slid down the wall and came back up). These were the creative names that Tyra gave to said techniques – that writers’ strike is more apparent than ever! Perhaps there was a little method to this madness, but I think Tyra just wanted an excuse to play out her FAME scenario.

The girls did not have a traditional photo shoot; they were in an Enrique Iglesia video. The concept was an underground vampire nightclub (stop me if you’ve heard this one before…). There was much green background and tinting; also there was lots of silver studded embellishments, black patent leather and mesh-y netted things.

Lisa was chosen as the principal girl in the video, which is good because I am thoroughly convinced that she was on her way out the door. Heather’s pale skin, dark hair and deep gaze was perfect for this video; she did a bang up job, but also, in the tradition of rock stars, she suffered exhaustion on the set and nearly passed out. She later said that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I appreciate her wanting to be a trooper and all, but damn girl! Eat a sandwich! Saleisha was in a group setting with Bianca and Sarah where she definitely stood out. She gave wonderful eyes, and even though she didn’t do much she kept it interesting. Her whispering something to Sarah (who sat beside her) was good improv. Sarah, while giving great eyes, was not very comfortable in her super revealing ensemble; though it wasn’t apparent to me during the shooting, she did mention it during the outtakes. Bianca, Bianca, Bianca – we all know your lips are there. No need to pucker them incessantly and bring even more attention. I thought that the strong/sexy/attitude that the video called for was right up her alley, but Bianca was trying way too hard. Her look was fierce, but she modeled like an amateur. Chantal was annoyed that she wasn’t chosen as the principle, so she didn’t seem to try very hard. Ambreal, on the other hand, had to prove that she deserved to be there, so she danced her little heart out. Unfortunately, in the final edited video they showed at panel, she had too little burlesque and too much bop.

At panel, the judges reviewed stills from the video shoot. They were ga-ga over Lisa (especially that leg action), enamored with Heather and impressed with Saleisha. Nigel brought Sarah’s weight into the discussion again, but the panel thought that Sarah was not comfortable enough in her own skin. She was eliminated.

What do I think? She wasn’t big enough for plus size and not small enough for regular runway. So, they copped out; they claimed the big girl/ little self esteem thing and let Sarah go because they couldn’t figure out how to market her. Sarah was really broken up about it (I don’t think anybody’s ever cried that hard!), and I felt for her.

*wow, i remembered more than i thought! how do you like that?

another poem...draft #1..."Soldier's Hands"

*I've had the first line of this poem for at least a year. It took a timed writing exercise to get those other lines out of me; it still doesn't feel finished to me - far from it in fact. Thank God birthing human creations doesn't take as long as the artistic ones. Read. Enjoy. Feed back (if you please).

"Solider's Hands"

He doesn’t have a soldier’s hands--
soft
no calluses
clean fingernails.
These can’t be the same hands
toting M-16s
digging ditches
slinging Cammo net,
and yet
four plus years of his life spent
on this mission.
Now, his touch is his only ammunition.
And I’m the poet in this outfit,
But when he touches me, I listen.
A caress worth a thousand words,
and I’m an avid reader.
And I’m a firm believer
in communication being
ninety percent non-verbal.
So I study the language of his hands
and speak it fluently.