Sunday, April 05, 2009
Still Thinking About Lightning
I think once the month is over, and I come back to these, maybe I'll find a way to combine the two pieces (hence the numbering, 1 and 2)
"Lightning"
2
Purple billows interrupted by an encroaching skyline.
Gray legos randomly stacked like bars of an equalizer.
(Pump up the volume.)
When you strike, we get the whole sound,
but there's only a fraction of the brilliance.
(This used to be wide open plains here.)
Been crowding you for a long time now.
But when you get good and ready,
you'll make room.
For Yesterday
This one is based on a real experience I had yesterday while driving to a homie's house to carpool. Luckily, there was no accident. I managed to keep my eyes on the road and let my peripheral take in the majesty.
"Lightning"
1
It's hard to focus on the road.
Every several seconds there's a flutter of light,
and my eyes dart
off the streets and all across the skies
looking for the finger
that's playing with the switch.
Friday, April 03, 2009
NPM Day 3
“Stretch Marks”
They sprawl across her hips and down her thighs.
Emerging from armpits, they claw at her breasts
in search of milk that was never there.
Then in spontaneous patches they appear –
down the sides of her ribs, on her belly…
If she were any other mammal,
this pattern would serve a purpose.
It would attract a mate, ward off predators,
provide camouflage in her natural environment.
These crooked lines of rippled skin,
like the lumpy, shiny edge along the seam of a mylar balloon
taut with helium. She watches them grow.
First peach, then plum.
She gently fingers the fault lines.
Has there ever been a body so full of weakness?
There is no balm –
no amount of cocoa butter, aloe vera,
vitamin E will heal these scars.
Scars where there were never any wounds.
Proof
of a different kind of battle entirely.
**
Also, my big brother hits a milestone today. Happy Thirtieth, T. Love you.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Second for the day...
“Ruins”
I found your abandoned blog.
There were comments left unread.
No forwarding information,
no farewell address…
Nothing to explain the mysterious disappearance.
I didn’t know where to look—
all the windows were closed.
The links had no leads,
and the search engine saw nothing.
I try not to think the worst,
as I click my way
from one dead end to another,
trying to get inside yourspace.
*( i took "yourspace" out of italics because it felt pretentious. it was all "ooh, i made a reference to myspace but not. look! i meant myspace but said yourspace, isn't that clever? puh-lease.)
National Poetry Month...
do not take me for a ride
do not leave me standing there
do not take me to a beauty shop
to pretty up my hair.
do not take me to the movies
do not leave me on the street
do not take me to the circus
for a death-defying feat.
do not take me to a diner
do not leave me with the check
do not take me on to second base--
put hickies on my neck.
do not take me to the theater
do not leave me at a show
do not take me to a restaurant
then sneak out the window.
do not take me in your arms
do not leave me all alone
do not take my number down
then forget I have a phone.
do not take my hand in marriage
do not leave me on the aisle
do no take me to the in-laws’s house
and expect me to smile.
do not take my love for granted
do not leave me to my thoughts
do not take offense when I commence
to cheat and then get caught.
do not take me to our future
do not leave me in our past
do not take me any place but now
where love is bound to last.
do not take me anywhere at all
don’t leave me stranded so--
I belong here, in this moment,
so love me tight then let me go.
**
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Twenty-Something T____sdays

Wednesday, February 25, 2009
damn you, Jung!

There’s this online personality perception assessment called “Johari Window”. It compartmentalizes the personality into quadrants: that which is know to oneself and others is the arena; that which is known to oneself but not to others is the façade, that which is known to others but not to oneself is the blindspot, and that which is known to neither oneself nor others is simply the unknown.
On the website, there’s a grid with all positive attributes. The participant chooses 5, then sends a link to whomever for additional feedback. The respondents have the option of including their names or replying anonymously. But why would anyone want to be anonymous about positive feedback? They probably wouldn’t, which leads me to the flip side of this tool…
There’s a criticism component of this assessment called “Nohari Window”, and it follows exactly the same process but uses personality flaws. I used the Johari version some time ago; I sent the link to several people whom I think really know me and have for some time. I did not use the Nohari window at first because I was perfectly fine handling my flaws with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. “I learned [a long time ago] never to ask a question I don’t want to know the answer to.”*
But I’ve just begun this series at work that asks for information that could be easily attained using these personality assessment tools, so I dug through my old emails to find the Johari responses, and then I sent out a link to the Nohari version. Again, I chose several people whom I’ve known for some time and in depth – there was some overlap. “You can be anonymous, if that’s more comfortable,” I said in the email. Oh, be careful what you wish for...
Now I know I asked for this, but I didn’t think it would really affect me. (Apparently I’m an idiot.) It was sobering enough choosing 5 flaws on my own ("idiot" was not in my top 5); then to see some of those confirmed by others was a trip. At least I could argue that I was self aware, right? But the blindspot category really gave me a gut check because those are aspects that others see in me that I don’t. Only 2 people have responded so far, and I'm considering sending it out to even more folks. (What can I say? “I’m an emotional cutter”.**)
I’m so glad that I suggested the anonymous response because my discomfort disappears when I close the site window. The anonymity allows the respondents to say what they feel; it lets me benefit from terse and constructive criticism, and nobody’s tires have to suffer in the process. (I kid! I kid!) So as soon as I stop playing gumshoe,***I’ll begin to work on the flaws in my blindspot. Or maybe I’ll just keep the Johari baby, and chuck the rest of this bathwater.
* Darius Lovehall, Love Jones
** Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City
***Dull? Seriously? Who said that? What do I have to do, bungee jump?
images procured from the internet. just google "self perception" and "schizophrenia" - but not together. who knows what may pop up!)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Twenty-Something T___sday
“The best thing about life in your twenties
is the slow realization of endless possibility
that seems to bloom under the skin,
imparting dewy confidence and bravado
that suddenly mists your body
with a golden shimmer of prowess.
The best thing about your twenties
is the slow, delicious awakening
to the fact that you are indeed exquisitely, perfectly poised
to be absolutely anything and anyone you wish.”
-An Amazing Woman I Know
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Twenty-Something T____sday
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Twenty Something T____sday, 2.0

- Financial - adj. pertaining to monetary receipts and expenditures; pertaining or relating to money matters; pecuniary: financial operations
- Health - n. 2) soundness of body or mind; freedom from disease or ailment: to have one's health; to lose one's health. 4) vigor; vitality: economic health
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Meeting, A Menu & a Meltdown, pt I
Over a month ago, HomeBoy relayed the message that his colleague was, ahem, waiting for me to invite her and her family to our house. We were both a bit perplexed by this. Had we waited too long to return the favor of her invitation? Why couldn’t HomBoy extend the invitation to them? He and I decided that there was some cute, albeit archaic “lady of the house” undertone. (Well, maybe the archaic part was all me.) So, in spite of my nervousness about the state of our Queen Mum and how poorly I perform with new people and my neurosis about being Muslim enough I said, “Let’s have them over this Saturday for dinner.” And then I died.
I decided on a menu of salmon, spinach and brown rice. Halal and simple enough. I asked HomeBoy if he thought we should get a dessert.
“Well, she said she would bring something,” he said.
“Cool. What?”
“I don’t know.”
“Thanks. Thanks for that.”
I had to laugh because if one is preparing a meal, and a guest offers to bring something, not only do you thank them profusely but you FIND OUT WHAT IT IS. So there’s one less thing you have to worry about. He who was doing no cooking at all could not have thought to ask this important question. So I laughed because it was more cute than frustrating. Fine, I’ll buy a dessert. As the week progressed and the day of reckoning came steadily upon us, I started to get a little paranoid.
“Should we have appetizers too? Should I order some samosas? Am I doing too much?”
A blank stare, then a response.
“No, that’s a good idea. How many per person? How much will that cost?”
“I don’t remember, but I can find out.”
So now we have 3 courses going on, 2 of which I’m not even cooking (because I am a self-aware woman after all). So early Saturday afternoon we start to pick up the odds and ends for our evening of entertaining. We opted for mini cupcakes for dessert and a pita chip + veggie dip appetizer over the pricey samosas. Everything was feeling right. We came home, I started cooking, got dressed, etc. Except for my increasing heart rate and body temperature, all was well...
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
It Really IS Out with the Old
My high school boyfriend, who barely made the transition to my college boyfriend, is relocating. He sent me this message today:
Goodbye my orange moon, thank you for your light and remember, Mr. Lionel is always the man
-The Former
My response was this:
(my, that sounds finite)
this occasion feels like it warrants a more momentous message, but I will follow your lead and keep it simple.
i wish you love, many adventures, hard-earned successes, opportunities for growth, and all the happiness a skeptic can hope for. so long, sir.
“you say goodbye, and I say hello”
-Me
**
I fancied myself a creature of extraordinary relationships. This boyfriend of yesteryear, he of the end of my high school and beginning of my college career, was my first real love. We experienced an intense crush, a high school senior prom and senior trip (with food poisoning on the side), a sweet post-high school summer, an emotional breakdown, separating for college (he in the North, I in the South), his breaking up with me one semester into our freshman year of college, my beginning to date homeboy (who would become HomeBoy – peep the capitals, that’s significant) which felt like a second break-up, slanderous emails, reconciliation and innumerous well-intentioned but malevolently-incited freestyle battles.
I felt special for being able to say “I’m still friends with my ex”, despite that fact that he and HomeBoy are not fond of each other. HomeBoy is supremely secure in our partnership (as he should be), and, to be honest, the friendship that existed between myself and “The Former” had become little more than bare bones. I sometimes pondered the significance of our continued communication. It had become a “2 calls per year” sort of thing – one for birthdays and one in late spring to discuss the anticipation of summer blockbusters. (Neither of us celebrate holidays.) There may be an additional call here or there to share a new piece of writing or hold the other accountable for the writing that isn’t being done. But that was all.
I struggled with whether or not to make some sort of formal break, or just let it continue to decline – fade into obscurity. Two phone calls a year would surely dwindle to one and then none at all. I would go to a book store with my husband and kids (many, many years in the future) and see his name on a book and smile; he would do the same in a book store half way across the world (or at least across the country), and that would be that. So when I received this message today, I was relieved and yet… there was this teeny, tiny feeling of loss. So I cannot boast “I’m still friends with my ex” anymore, but we are neither enemies nor strangers. I guess we aren’t anything except “he” and “I”.
It is as it should be.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Resolved
All and all, I have had a good year, and I am thankful. Still, I think that next year can be better. Here’s how:
FAITH – I’m happy being a Muslim, but my practice could use a little more practice.
FAMILY – Reach out to the distant ones. Get closer to the immediate ones. Stay in better contact with friends, the chosen ones. Give more love to all of them.
FITNESS – Let’s just say that most of the pictures I’ve taken as of late have been from the shoulder up; this is no coincidence.
FINANCE – I have gotten a little splurge-y lately, so I’m going to reign that in. Also, I will try to pay off, in full, 1 of 2 student loans that I have. This is super ambitious considering the amount, but I feel inspired by a friend who finished paying off her loans this year.
FUTURE – Set more goals. Make a few plans. But always know where the exits are (wink, wink).
I hesitate to add anything more to this list, even to feed my need for alliteration. If I can pull off these five, that will be quite an accomplishment. Besides, they are broad enough; if I wanted to include anything else, I’m sure I could rationalize said addition falling into one of the above categories. I don’t want to go overbroad. I’m [re]new to this.
I stopped making resolutions a few years back. It seemed like too much pressure, and it was a big illusion anyway. Why and how would the changing of one year to the next, via one day to the next, via one minute to the next, totally transform the way I lived my life? I would suddenly break old habits and start new ones? I would instantaneously abandon more pedestrian interests in pursuit of elevated endeavors? I would leave the past behind and start anew? Yeah right! I knew better.
Yet, I wasn’t as clever as I thought. While I nixed the NY resolutions, I suddenly began setting birthday “goals” that I would attempt to fulfill until my next birthday – a year later. So I took the same illusion and moved it out by 6 months. Revolutionary. I’m back to December 31, setting intentions, making resolutions – whatever I want to call it. I’m thankful for a chance to start fresh – even if it is an illusion. But I am not fooled. I know there is nothing magical that occurs between 11:59pm tonight and 12:00am tomorrow morning. If I am to have any success with these intentions/resolutions, the magic will have to come from me.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Rules of Thumb
Let me explain…
I am, always have been, a feeler. For better or worse, my emotions are the driving force of me, and my heart trumps my head on many occasions. Indeed, not only does my heart overrule my head, sometimes my heart is so convincing that my head gets swept up in the commotion.
I’ve already told of the St. Louis incident. Well, this time it was a culinary catastrophe. HomeBoy and I came home one evening last week, and I was preparing to cook. I’d received a few phone-calls and emails from family members in need throughout the day, and it vexed me. I have no problem giving, and I love to help (esp. people I love), but I felt so overwhelmed. Maybe it was the fact that hands were coming from so many directions at once; maybe it’s because I felt confused. I thought the last time I did this would be the last time I did this. I became frustrated and anxious and just a little paranoid. Note to self: these are not the emotions to indulge when chopping onions.
Somewhere between wondering how I could help and recalling the wisdom of “teaching a man to fish”, my hand started bleeding. I had chopped the corner of my thumb clean off. The sounds that I let out – I did not know they were inside me. The way that I wailed and cried, moaned and cursed, you would think I was at war and just lost a limb! HomeBoy ran to my aid and saw me bleeding. He went to get gauze and bandages and told me to put pressure on my thumb to stop the bleeding. But I couldn’t stop the crying. I cried for the pain in my thumb, but I mostly cried for the pain in my heart and head. HomeBoy cleaned me up and tried to console, “I know, Baby. I know it hurts.”
“Yes,” I thought, “You know that it hurts, but you don’t know how it hurts – or why.”
But HomeBoy didn’t know because I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell him because I still worry about burdening people with my cyclical thinking and neuroses – even the people who make it plain that they want to be there for me. It’s been just over a week since bloody Wednesday, and I am so much better in so many ways. My thumb is healing nicely, and my heart is much better. I’m realizing that if I don’t release at least some of what is inside, it will find its own way out – through a rental car fender or an unsuspecting appendage.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Happy Birthday X2

December 7, 2008
Dear M&M,
I chose this card for both of you for 2 reasons: 1) I like Dr. Seuss 2) you’ve come a long way from being “Thing 1 and Thing 2”. When you were little, that’s how I thought of you: Mark and MeLissa, always together; always in a set – a pair. But you two are nearly young adults now and have your own identities, personalities and lives. I don’t know if I tell you enough, but I am so proud of you two. You are strong, smart, kind and funny (and you’re cute too, but let’s not get a big head about it). You have handled all that has come your way, for better or worse, to the best of your abilities. You continue to become phenomenal individuals because of and in spite of your surroundings and family.
As you approach young adulthood, I want you to examine your lives. Take a good look at the people in your lives and learn from them; they can teach you what to do or what not to do. Both lessons are equally important. Determine what you want from life. Set goals and stay focused, and ask for help whenever you need it (you can always ask me). Follow the rules, of course, but don’t shrink or back down for anyone. Enjoy yourselves, but act responsibly, and surround yourselves with others who have common sense and a conscience. Remember that the world doesn’t own you anything, but you don’t owe it (or anyone else) either. This life is an equal exchange – you get what you give.
You have so much ahead of you – graduation, college, your first real jobs… the list goes on and on. But you also have so much behind you – memories, achievements, lessons learned. I’m behind you too. I’ll support your dreams, try to understand your trials and celebrate your successes (of which there will be many). I have only request – I ask you to look to each other for friendship; you are far too mature for sibling rivalry, and it is time to start confiding in and sharing with each other. Use each other as a resource, and develop trust. Believe in one another and love one another and protect each other – fiercely and ferociously. This is very important.
Finally (but also primarily), remember that God is all knowing and all powerful. When you’ve done all that you can do – tried your hardest in any situation – sit back and be patient, for the rest is taken care of. Happy Birthday.
More Love Than You Know,
Big Sister
(image came from here.)
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
silent nights...
- the election (my reaction to the outcome, at least)
- my dad's visit (it's been, what? 3 weeks now?)
- thanksgiving (the obligatory post about all there is to be thankful for...insert warm fuzzies...etc...)*
- twenty something tuesday/thursday (what? so you have all these good bits o'wisdom and you're not even gonna share 'em? get with it!)
- home renovation progress (though that saga will always continue)
things i can still write about without feeling stupid-late:
- holiday movies, on TV and in the theaters (i don't celebrate the holidays, but i am always in front of the tube when it's time for The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Home Alone or Charlie Brown anything!)
- new years resolutions (some will call them intentions, others will call them wishes; po-TA-to, po-TAH-to - any reason for a fresh start is good with me)
- other blogs (why not, right? i mean, any medium that lasts eventually begins to comment on itself)
- home renovation progress (i said the saga continues)
resolved:
because in the past (and probably in the future) i have neglected to post in a timely manner about things that i find worthwhile, i would like to present...
"because the memories get better, the more i forget"**
** okay, that's not really true, but it's funny
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
what's black and brown and blue all over?
Monday, October 27, 2008
Autumn All Day
Then it was 30-something degrees this morning. Was it thirty-five degrees? Thirty-nine? Is there a difference?
I guess this is what they mean when they say, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Well, it was autumn in Kansas City for an entire day, and I didn't sleep through it. So that's good.
(Sheesh, and also "Brrr".)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
breakdown, and let it all out...
I spoke to a very good friend of mine about this writer's block and my struggle with it. Why, if I knew what was causing the problem, would I not fix it? Why not remove the block? Well, maybe because that block is the cornerstone in a much larger wall - perhaps even a dam. And am I ready for it all to come tumbling down - am I ready to sink or swim in it - just so I can get some words out? That's a tough one.
Shouts out to the other earnest, inconsistent bloggers out there. We'll get around to it, and we'll wait.



