holy ghost or vertigo?...(or) this little bling a’mine…& that’s the way the cookie crumples

and here I thought my church was the only one that did fashion shows, so the kids could show off their Easter clothes! this week, the girls learned about modeling accessories, but they also learned the art of “a-swirl” (you thought miss jay was funny). the episode was all about movement. they had time to learn, practice and execute, but all of the ladies couldn’t rize to the occasion…

I realize that I’m so into the challenges and the shoots that I take very little time commenting on the chemistry (every pun intended) in the house, so I’ll dedicate a few lines this time. Brooke and Nenna were like oil and water. Nenna’s still tying up the phone lines with boyfriend drama, and Brooke (like me) thinks she should have left that in the last episode. when Brooke tried to reason with Nenna about the “community phone” she was completely ignored. well, between the laughing at her commercial and at the “swirling” lesson, that was the straw that broke Brooke’s back! she proceed to storm from the room and stomp down the hallway, yelling all kinds of expletives. I knew she had a little fiona apple in her somewhere. but Nenna stayed menacingly cool throughout the ordeal (why are you so cold, Nenna? we’re a warm, tropical people!)…Jade still refers to herself in the third person, but at least there was no bullying this time – only instigating…

it appeared at the accessory lesson, that you can never have enough gloves, bags and shoes, but one button-up jacket was too many. the ladies fumbled around with the accessories as if they had no motor skills whatsoever. then, they met with the swirling senseis, twins Tweedle Flam and Tweedle Flame, and were instructed in the art. they were able to use both lessons at the church fashion show they walked in. decadent capes and skirts and gloves and bags let the girls practice what they had learned. the prize was a $25,000 diamond ring – quite the love offering! the ladies modeled this holy haute-couture with as much energy as they could muster; I rarely use the word pizzazz, but that’s what it was. Joanie was on fire at this show, so much so that I actually remember what her ensemble looked like. Jade, I have to hand it to you (though I’m sure you’ll do something to make me take it back), that looking-like-a-spinning-top-down-the-run-way bit was impressive. first, because you didn’t get dizzy and fall; second because you really rocked the outfit; third because it was original and a risk; and fourth – you didn’t levitate or fly away. Furonda did okay, but there’s too much music in hers; she was trying to swirl in cadence. For all intents and purposes, Nenna walks too slowly. Jade won the church-catwalk competition; at least now she’ll have a best friend in the house. but wait! Jade got to chose a 2^nd place, 10K diamond ring winner - Furonda. but wait! she got to chose a 3^rd place, 8K diamond ring winner – Nenna. well, there goes the “building fund”…

the girls then jump – from church to crump. the shoot was for a fashion-forward ad for payless shoes, who made their debut at this year’s fashion week in NY (shout out payless! I knew I went there for a reason!). the ladies were joined by Clown and his crew of LA based crumpers who were there to add their energy to the set (and energy, indeed!). Sarah was awkward at this shoot (the story of her top model life, so far). Joanie rocked it! her pole-dancing peers would be so proud. meanwhile, Brooke’s striptease was not at all sexy, but the shot was on point (who knew?). Furonda was kind of weird in her poses, but she connected with the camera and that saved her photo too (lot of that going around). Nenna, again, too mellow for her own good; I disagree with the judges about her photo. the face was beautiful, but the pose wasn’t the best, and was it just me or did the blue in her hair make her head blend into the sky? Daniel really enjoyed the shoot. danced her a*s off, I’ll give her that, but (Jay was right) she did get the I’m-really-into-this-dance-and-I’m-workin’-it ugly face. Leslie let me down at this shoot. she’s exuded sexy in every photo prior, but this time the final results looked like a confident flamenco dancer. Jade was really confident and did well at this shoot (I think her winning the challenge stroked her ego a bit). I agree with Jay about her water bottle innovation; it was very good, but (sorry, honey) the dancing was not…

in the end, when Sarah and Leslie were left, Leslie was sent home. It hurt my heart, really. Sarah’s height saved her, so if she doesn’t capitalize on it next week – she’s outta there! and you can quote me. Poor Leslie, there’s no room for ducks on the runway.