so perhaps i should have been working all along, but i wasn't and maybe i confuse "lookin' out" for "trying to get over" but i feel i'm being played in a major way. i mean damn, i thought...but...well nevermind, initial purpose served i guess.so correction - i like being a traveler, not a nomad, especially when i've got all this stuff (it's not shit; they're good things, books and music and such). paying for storage is such a rip off. think about it - i pay to put some things in one spot and not touch them...huh? exactly. nonsense...not feeling quite right on the inside. i hate that, like tears are falling backwards. everything's just so up in the air right now and here i go trying to spare feelings and fix feelings and abandon my feelings and i know it won't work and i'm stubborn for even trying...boy, what a rant, but as my mommy would say, "it bees that way sometimes." moms say the funniest, most logical things sometimes, don't they? i know what i gotta do. gotta move again. get so tired of moving, of shuffling around, having no home. well, having no home of my own is more like it. people's hearts are real big, but their space is quite the contrary. i look forward to newness again. i wonder what kind of adult i will make. (and i ask this question as if i am not there, as if i get to pause time and think about that shit). damn i hope this interview goes well. i can figure something else out, but this is what i want. anmd dad seems to think that they must be genuinely interested if it took me most of second semester to apply and they were speedy with responses and now this. i'll have to make more acquaitances and if i'm lucky maybe a few friends. i'm really trying to prepare for such a move because it would be so much bigger than just another state...feel like watery pink and grey goop on the inside - like the stuff they ate in Orwell's 1984, except not nutritious at all...so here's what i gotta do:
1. move some stuff
2. get this career jumpin' off
3. not make myself a casualty
4. seduce my muse
5. not take shit personally
(not in any particular order of importance though)
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Well Mississippi goddamn. Res is back in affect. You are such a fucking inspiration. You make me want to be president of the universe. If I could I would and you know that. So I ain't even going there but... ahhh Teresa I have no words just feeling for you girl I love you into the next life! You are going to do the damn thing you are going to be in the middel of the country growing wheat or whatever the hell they do there and getting your own division at hallmark i'm so proud of you. I will definately be putting my duckets aside to visit you as much as I can. To see you in your space and everything. Yeah just do it... like nike.
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