retrospective introspection & red letter day & the wedding singer

prelude:

TWIN1: hey self! i figured out how we can account for missed blogging opportunities during the week.

TWIN2: smashing! how can we do that? especially since we do not want to blog at work.

TWIN1: right-o, but if you do recall, the posting page allows for us to set the date and time, so we can post the events of anyday and set it to the date that those events actually happened.

TWIN2: brilliant! but...

TWIN1: but what? you've already said brilliant; you can't take it back.

TWIN2: well, we can barely type as it is, so won't we end up at the monitor forever trying to post multiple entries at once, especially considering how lengthy you tend to be.

TWIN1: are you calling me long-winded? because i'll have you know that brevity is the soul of wit and...

TWIN2: you were never very witty either.

TWIN1: well, what do you propose?

TWIN2: snippets. like news briefs, and we can use gradation to show a different day through a different color - instead of using the date.

TWIN1: good. i hate dates, time is so relative. fine, we'll try it your way.

it's funny, kind of. when i still identified as 'christian' i was told i would make a good 'muslim'. now that i identify as 'muslim' i don't know if i feel like a very good one....talked about it for a long time, and i got off the phone feeling kinda shi...not too good. why aren't i trying my hardest? at the same time, i do feel like i have the basics down. for as long as i can remember i've had the basics down. know that there's a God and love that God. treat people as reflections of that God (myself included). i know there are some particulars that i need to work out, and let's face it some of those are pretty big, but i do not feel that i am a bad person to any substantive degree (granted this is all subjective)....if only that were enough. i have to start making moves towards a little more, even if those movements are not visible on the outside. that doesn't matter to me. mbongi and i use to talk all the time about truth and finding it and searching for it, and we were afraid that we might neglect the truth for the sake of the search. we could potentially be forever uncertain, right? but i would say, "regardless of what God's name is and where i find God and how long i search, at least for sure God's knows i'm trying." now that i'm not so much searching as settling in and connecting, can i even say the same? was it the fear of dying in limbo that made me sincere? does God feel like i'm trying now? do i?

donated blood at work today. i always feel good when i do that, even though i still get a little pensive around the needle work (and i was thinking about a tatoo, imagine!). didn't eat breakfast. ran out on lunch. drank a little bit, but not much. for the record, when those nice red cross people tell you to eat and drink lots of fluids and chill out for the next 24 hours - LISTEN DAMMIT! thought i was cute taking my lunch hour to donate blood and going straight back to work and then to a training session. uh-uh. i'm sitting in the chair trying to learning about editing systems and model lines, and i get light-headed. and i start sweating. and i'm feeling crazy. (and my dumb ass is like, 'suck it up teresa! don't mean nothing, not a thing.') finally i just have to excuse myself to the rest room. well, i get out of my chair and semi-stumble to the stall and sit down, feeling like i'm gonna puke or pass out or both. and in the age-old tradition of mankind, what do i do? "oh God! please help me not to pass out in this bathroom! just let me drink some water and be okay - at least through the training session. i'll go back to my desk and eat the lunch i bought just please don't let me pass out!" and i'm thinking if i do black out when i stand up, i could hit my head on this metal shelf or this porcelain bowl and my situation would go from stupid to serious. i drank some water (fromthe faucet in the bathroom - it was that deep) and it sustained me long enough to walk back to the training. i asked the editor if she had anything to drink - i just couldn't take it. she speedily went to get me a soda because i told her i just needed something with sugar in it. well, i made it back to my desk and that buffalo chicken wrap tasted like ambrosia from olypus i swearfo'God! i was off the whole damn night and even this mornig i wasn't too keen. moral of the story: eat a sandwich!

my childhood friend from middle school is getting married this weekend. lives change so fast. i called to invite her to my so-long bbq in lakewood, nj and the chick invites me to the wedding! woah. jay's gonna accompany me. it should be a good time. maybe i'll get some ideas (here's a idea, set a date stupid;+) (j/k). i know its gonna be beautiful. she's all wholesome and stuff. bet anything the reception looks like a scene straight out of the end of The Best Man (except that whole cheating, deception, propose at the end, wake up next to someone you don't know part). i'll only be in jersey for a the weekend, granted i get on this standby on friday - yeah, i pimps x-fares pretty hard....in work related news - i showed my supervisor some of my first rewrites today. she was really impressed. said i really had it down, and if we keep the copy then my name would go on it. that would be fresh, but we plan a year ahead so don't start looking yet.

aside: i must admit, i've always love gradation =+)