walk this way!...(&) what goes platform, must come down...(&) so long, dolly...

Mother Goose or The Brother's Grim? Fairy Tales or Scary Tales? This Wednesday evening wasn't everyone's happily ever after, but at least it was a good story...


First can i take a minute to laugh? All the girls thought for a hot minute that they were going to Spain. HA-HA, Ladies! It is far too early in the season to take you anywhere. For one, that's too much money, even for a show doing this well. And for two, you all don't know anything yet. Mama Tyra is not about to take you all out into the world - or across it, rather - and have you embarass her! HA-HA!

Where does this story begin? Once upon a Wednesday night, there was a little frightened girl named Gina who was constantly manipulated by the wicked queen, Jade. GIna found a girl to talk to, a confident dame named Daniel. But Gina became clingy, and Daniel's story took a turn for the worst. Um, Gina, "watch you shower"? Dude, what's that about? Meanwhile, across Top Model Land, Mollie Sue doesn't seem to be living up to her hair, as far as the judges are concerned...Joanie and Brooke are still pretty quiet, and Furonda didn't act out too much this week either. Leslie just takes a damn good picture. I can't think of anyone else who could make young women want to walk aroung with a nose covered in coal, but i'm jumping ahead...

The walking lesson with Miss Jay revealed how very much a lot of the girls have to learn. I cannot contain myself when Leslie is walking; it's one of the craziest things I've ever seen. You want to be a fairytale character, Leslie? How about the beautiful duckling? Safe is definitely the word to describe most of their approaches at this point. Nenna was too slow. Gina - bland. Mollie Sue - short and stout. Joanie - too all American. Jade's stride fell short of her smack-talking. She needs to put her pumps where her mouth is..as a matter of fact, she should keep them there too. Brooke's beautiful nonchalance worked to her disadvantage in this case because her walked definitely looked careless. Furonda was good, but not exceptional. Daniel was going strong until they walked in the dresses, then she was going down... and poor doll-faced kari! i thought she was turning into sarah from last season! you'd have thought her ankles were made of spaghetti i guess that's the problem with dolls, they can be made up and beautifully arranged - but they can't move. And Sarah, what can I say? In that challenge, all that height gone to waste...

so over the river and through the woods to their next challenge with this US, avant-garde designer and (what I like to call) his Rocky Horror Picture Show collection. That's the kind of stuff only a model could wear (well, a model and everyone in Manhattan from Christopher Street to 22nd). How about those accents! Nothing like a GIANT cockroach to add shock value to an otherwise ordinarily odd collection. Bedazzled cockroaches no less! Guaranteed to make your audience gasp and your models scream! Gina was the loudest she's been this season behind the scenes at that show. That she had to be pushed onto the runway was terrible. That she was composed enough to walk down and come back without screaming proves that the fears and insecurities are all in her head. Gina didn't faint, she didn't even cry; it's not a phobia. There would have been dignity in a phobia. Someone needs to direct Miss Gina to Eva's spider episode, cycle 3. Jade bothering her with the roaches was such poor sportsmanship, and she had to do the most and kiss the critter on the runway. Well, Jade, it didn't turn into a prince and you didn't turn into a top model - got bug koodies for nothing. I would like to give Jade more credit, but her impulse wasn't that of an intuitive fashion forward model, it was born of Gina's fear...

the photo shoot was a very cute and clever one, but boy it looked painful. Jay wanted the girls to fall gracefully, but the mat seemed to be a welcoming composition of sand and plastic overlay. I have to hand it to Jade, she did very well. Granted with her as Red Riding Hood, granny would be better off taking her chances with a wolf. Leslie's hot - enough said. I thought Mollie Sue was adorable. Boy Blue was a good way to go, not only because of the short hair but because she's got a little bad girl in her eyes that translates well with the energy of wearing "boys" clothes. Daniel's photo was good, but her mood and approach seems to be the same all the time. Yeah, you're sexy. Yeah, you're beautiful. But what else? Tell that "come hither" look to scram already and find another one. Would somebody please tell Brook to PUT HER CHIN DOWN! I like her; I like her a lot, but she needs to handle that - yesterday. Gina could have done so much more with sleeping beauty. A soft and sexy, nearly closed eye would have done the trick. C'mon GIna! You're already halfway there. (Oh Teresa, that's not nice!) That was a gift! And Sarah, yoe-de-lay-hee-who told you to pose like that? Sarah's the one closest to being recruited; right now, she's riding the equivalent of a top model scholarship. That photo didn't make the grade. Is it me, or was Furonda's braid the same size as her limbs? Boy that girl is tiny! When Jay asked her about her fairytale and why Rapuzel had all this hair; she said, "To get a man." So funny! She was really serious too because you can't fake answers like that on the spot...

FInally they make it to panel with the shoes of death. Furonda started out with the craziest face. I thought she was going to fall at the beginning - on purpose - to get it out of the way. Sarah rocked it, and I would have to agree with Nigel, she's used to being up so high. GIna did well, though still bland. Kari couldn't walk in regular pumps, let alone these. The judges may as well have asked her to walk the runway on her hands. Joanie nailed it. Brooke did okay too. Jade stumbled a little, but she recovered. Her recovery wasn't graceful though; it was kind of confrontational. She looked up at the panel like, "I dare you to say something!" Yikes. Daniel had a model's recovery; her trip was followed by the most amazing smile. it said, "I'm beautiful, but I'm human...did i mention I was beautiful?" and she came back out for judging on crutches - that's what you call a 'G'. That girl's got heart. In the end, Gina was spared again. Goldy Locks was sent home. The judges didn't find her just right...

Tid-bits: I'm growing weary of Nigel's weekly insect comments about Furonda. She's still in it, homie, so deal with it. Funniest comment of the episode goes to Miss Jay, and I quote, "Weables wabble, but they don't fall down." That one gave me a stomach ache.

THE END